There Is Power in Asking

As a pastor for two United Church of Christ churches and chaplain for United Church Homes, the words ”We are not meant to do life alone; We need each other” are words I use frequently when delivering a sermon or having a conversation with a member of my congregation or a resident in one of our communities.

Jesus himself had help along the way in his ministry as seen by his great following of disciples. He did ministry and life in community. We live in a culture that often glorifies independence. But aging well means knowing when to lean on others for a little support along the way, whether it’s emotional support, physical support or spiritual support. I am eternally grateful to be a chaplain for United Church Homes offering spiritual support, or just a listening ear, for residents and staff. The chaplains in our communities have the privilege of holding worship services, spiritual care, creative Bible studies, grief counseling, abundant aging workshop opportunities, as well as taking a meaningful part in the resident’s care plan with their families and health care professionals—all while walking alongside each person in their times of both joy and sorrow throughout their life’s journey.

Stay Curious and Creative

Aging is about rediscovery. Did you know that being curious has health benefits? Studies have shown that being a curious person can give you a boost in happiness. Curious people tend to have more positive emotions and seem a bit more satisfied with life. Curiosity helps with memory retention and helps to relieve anxiety and depression. It also stimulates creativity, which can be a superpower as we age. If you’re curious about this, attend the Center for Abundant Aging’s annual Symposium with me on October 31st to learn more about the superpower of creativity and aging. Curiosity promotes healthy aging in all sorts of ways.

So why not let a friend help you find your curious self while at the same time exploring ways to enhance meaning and purpose in your life. Reconnect with old passions, explore new hobbies, write your story, literally. The possibilities are endless!

Nourishing Body and Spirit

Walks with a friend and my dog are always on my agenda when my schedule al

lows. Aging abundantly means treating your body like a trusted companion, not a failing machine. Move daily for your body and spirit, even if it is just taking time to do some deep breathing and stretching exercises. To help your body, mind and spirit even more is to schedule annual checkups, use medication reminders, hire a lawn service if you find you are unable to keep up with the lawn work the way you would like and schedule respite time if you are caring for another. If you need a little help with this, all of these and more can be scheduled and personalized for your needs by enrolling in the United Church Homes’ NaviGuide program, a subscription program with someone who is available to assist you in finding all the services you or your loved one may want or need in your area, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Other things to consider for your spiritual well-being, as well as your personal safety, might be installing grab bars where needed or using smart home devices to turn on lights before entering a room to prevent falls. On the lighter side, try staying socially active by finding a friend to join a club, attending a worship service or community event, or even singing in a choir. Though I may not be the best singer, I do love to sing loud and proud, especially in my car when I am alone. It is just good self-care for my soul. I have a wonderful friend who knows this about me and asked me to join a local community choir with her, and I have never regretted it! There truly is something for everyone. The world is your oyster ready and waiting for you to express your curious, creative self while at the same time finding nourishment for your soul.

Aging isn’t about loss, it’s about rediscovery. And remember, we all need a little help from our friends, occasionally. It’s in accepting help, we open the door to deeper relationships. By asking, you are allowing those you ask to enjoy the gift and blessing of giving to another.

So, here’s your invitation: ask for help, offer help and celebrate the help that makes aging a shared, beautiful journey.

by: Rev. Darla Metz, Chaplain for Community Engagement

The post I Get By With A Little Help From My Friends appeared first on United Church Homes.

While the day commemorates the end of slavery, the actual date recognizes the day when the Emancipation Proclamation was finally announced in Texas in 1865. Lincoln’s decree freed more than three million enslaved people! But it took those two and a half years–without the wonders of internet–to get the word to the confederate slaves and slave owners in Texas.

Historians tell us that the news was greeted with disbelief, shock, prayer, feasts, singing, and dancing. Since then, the day has been celebrated with other titles such as Black Independence Day, Emancipation Day, Jubilee Day, Celebration Day, and Juneteenth National Independence Day.

Our United Church Homes’ family represents a vast community of experience and memory. Of course, in spite of our years, none of us has personal experience with the original Juneteenth event.

Reflection on the Legacy of Slavery

But we all experienced May 25, 2020, when–after the murder of George Floyd–the Black Lives Matter movement and other organizers presented a petition to make Juneteenth a national holiday. That effort launched a transformation of Juneteenth from an African American holiday to a national moment for reflection on the legacy of slavery and systemic racism.

When he signed the Juneteenth National Independence Day Act, President Biden commented: “Juneteenth marks both the long, hard night of slavery and subjugation, and a promise of a brighter morning to come…(a day to) celebrate progress and grapple with the distance we’ve come but the distance we have to travel.” (quoted from the Encyclopedia Britannica)

Why am I writing so many words about Juneteenth? There are several reasons, among them is my recent attendance at Alumni Day at Heidelberg University, my alma mater.

On the Saturday before writing this article, the operative word in speeches and on streetlamp banners throughout the campus was “opportunity.”

What a great word for each of us, as well. There are so-called looming factors for each of us–age, health, circumstances which dictate much of what we do. But through them all, “opportunity” is always there.

Speaking Out About the Common Good

Advocacy for the values which make our human relationships never goes away. We may no longer be interested in or able to participate in marches, street protests, or appearances at city hall meetings. But we have opportunity among friends, family, and others around us to speak about the common good, to keep open the possibilities of “a brighter morning to come.”

Perhaps that is the unique gift we each have, given the wealth of experiences we “older adults” own. Our contribution to the welfare of whatever community in which we reside, to the goings-on around us, has immeasurable value. We are not to be overlooked as “old timers” somehow wedded to reminiscing about the old days.

Wisdom, Thoughtfulness, & Patient Listening

We are Juneteenth folk, on a journey of opportunity to bless our days with wisdom, thoughtfulness, and patient listening, while being able to offer another well-considered perspective.

Opportunity is endless. The Collins English Dictionary offers this definition:

a favorable, appropriate, or advantageous combination of circumstances or a chance or prospect.

Not to miss the “opportunity” available to us these high-tech days, someone asked AI what the term means. AI responded “Opportunity refers to a favorable set of circumstances that allows for the possibility of achieving something beneficial or advantageous. An opportunity is often seen as a chance for advancement, success, or improvement in…networking…or innovative ideas…”

The door, to borrow another phrase, is wide open for us abundantly living older adults to keep on keeping on, to persist in making a difference among our colleagues and wherever we might find ourselves.

Such keeping on is quite different from the advice of that age-old play on words about a piano tuner named Oppornockety, who refused a second chance to tune a piano. Remember that one? “Oppornockety only tunes once.”

More than a Onetime Gift

Consider opportunity to be more than a one-time gift; it is a mandate–to use again and again all the experiences of our years and all the insights of our lives–for the growth of a more humane, just, and peaceful world!

As I look back over this blog about Juneteenth and opportunity, I realize it sounds like a sermon. And that reminds me that Juneteenth is the 65^th anniversary of my ordination.

It is also the anniversary of being the only male in the past five years to write occasional blogs for United Church Homes. That has been a pleasure–dare I say “opportunity”–for which I am grateful but which I now relinquish to the new male writer whose first blog you will read next month.

May each of you, dear readers, use all your opportunities to help craft a culture of hope, justice and peace wherever you are.

Shalom!

For Reflection (either individually or with a group)
Read the blog. Read it a second time, maybe reading it aloud or asking someone else to read it aloud so you can hear it with different intonation and emphases. Invite the Divine to open your heart to allow the light of new understanding to pierce the shadows of embedded assumptions, stereotypes, and ways of thinking so that you may live more abundantly. Then spend some time with the following questions together with anything or anyone who helps you reflect more deeply.

• Why is it important to reflect on the “legacy of slavery and systemic racism”?
• When have you been given an opportunity by another person?
• What actions can you take this summer when gathering with friends or family to support the “growth of a more humane, just, and peaceful world”?

Editor’s Note: United Church Homes is extremely grateful to Rev. John Gantt for using his writing gifts in support of this blog for the past five years. Next week, we will be sharing John’s very first blog, “Muse and Musician Celebrate Gratitude”.

The post Opportunity in Aging appeared first on United Church Homes.

Our English class assignment was to write an essay suitable for the holiday season. There are lots of things I don’t remember from those days, but I do remember spending a lot of time wondering what I could write that would be different from the usual turkey banquet and jingle bells themes.

It took awhile before mental light bulbs clicked on. Finally, since the essay was due the Monday before Thanksgiving Day, I coined a play on the word and titled my assignment

“ThanksLiving.” I thought I was so clever.

I do not remember what I wrote. But I do remember how I felt when I discovered that the Oxford English Dictionary reported the first use of the noun occurred 75 years earlier, in the writings of Charles Spurgeon, Baptist preacher.

Being cocky and a sometimes-smart aleck, I justified my plagiarism by relying on the dictionary’s further note that there are “fewer than 0.01 occurrences per million words in modern written English.”

Which is to observe that given the nature of these times, as we move toward the holidays, we are well counseled to up the number of occurrences of “thanksliving”–in word and deed.

Author Julie Kierns has a prayer journal titled “Everyday Prayers for ThanksLiving.” She acknowledges that “When my focus is broad, looking at culture, elections, viruses, or educational choices, I don’t find much joy. In fact, it looks a lot like every ounce of joy has been sucked out of the world when I look at it from that level. But if I narrow my gaze a bit, and start looking a little closer to home …I can see much to be thankful for.

• Healthy children and glorious fall leaves
• Enough money to pay the bills
• Boys who still want to hug me at 13 and 15
• A husband who helps take care of our home
• An oldest boy who leads his baseball team in prayer before every game
• A youngest who reminds me to pray for him every night before bed
• Prescription sunglasses

• A rescued kitten we never thought we’d want
• A nephew who got his first college football offer last weekend.”

A quick scan on Google, offers many “recipes” for how to thanks-live in these days, and suggests what gratitude can do for–or to–us!

Even AI (Artificial Intelligence) gets into the act with this advice:

“Thanksliving is a lifestyle of gratitude that involves practicing gratitude every day, not just once a year. It’s a way of life that can help people be more resilient, happier, and less stressed. Here are some ideas for how to practice Thanksliving:

• Find joy in everyday moments: Look for joy in things like a cool breeze, a warm comforter, or a strong internet connection.
• Make gratitude a daily practice: Practice gratitude every day, not just around Thanksgiving.
• Find value in everyday experiences: Appreciate the value of every experience, no matter how ordinary.
• Find gratitude in routine: Find gratitude in the beauty of your daily routine and the quiet moments that bring you peace.

“Some say that thanksliving can help people navigate the complexities of modern life. It can also help people boost their resilience and make it easier to handle life’s challenges. “

Other word-explorers and commentators put it more simply as “thanksLIVING is a lifestyle of thanksgiving that goes beyond one month of the year to the everyday moments of life….”

Scott McKain advises that thanksliving “is more than just a …way of life that can help us navigate the complexities of our modern world…. (It can) open ourselves to a deeper appreciation of life’s simple pleasures, the resilience to face its challenges, and the ability to find joy and meaning in every moment.”

At the age when I thought I invented the word “thanksliving” I was growing up in a conservative evangelical church. While I am no longer a fan of such terms as “hath” and “thee” I remember the 1897 hymn “Count Your Blessings.” These snippets of the text by Johnson Oatman, Jr. underscore the themes for this Thanksgiving Day reflection:

“When upon life’s billows you are tempest tossed,
When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost …

amid the conflict, whether great or small,
Do not be discouraged, God is over all…

Count your blessings, name them one by one;
Count your blessings, see what God hath done..”

Another writer who comments about this hymn, refers us to Philippians 4:6-7:

“ ⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds …”

On this 2024 Thanksgiving Day, as crudeness, rudeness, incivility and fears sweep around us and threaten to bury gratitude, we need to be diligent and deliberate in keeping alive the practice of giving thanks.

I have a personal mantra for these nervous times. Perhaps you, dear readers, might care to join me. Here it is:

THANKS-LIVING: make it great again!!

For Reflection (either individually or with a group)
Read the blog. Read it a second time, maybe reading it aloud or asking someone else to read it aloud so you can hear it with different intonation and emphases. Invite the Divine to open your heart to allow the light of new understanding to pierce the shadows of embedded assumptions, stereotypes, and ways of thinking so that you may live more abundantly. Then spend some time with the following questions together with anything or anyone who helps you reflect more deeply.

• If you were asked to define ThanksLiving. What would you say?
• What prevents you from practicing gratitude every day?
• What actions can you take—maybe even this year with others when gathering for Thanksgiving—to use the intentions of ThanksLiving to support others to have more resilience to face life’s daily challenges?

Download a pdf including the Reflection Questions to share and discuss with friends, family, or members of your faith community small group.

The post ThanksLiving appeared first on United Church Homes.

My first pastorate was during the heights of civil rights unrest in the early 1960s. After I participated in the March on Washington, I wrote a long report for the congregation and thought it was well received. I was wrong.

Some members and I promoted collegiality with a nearby congregation of black Christians. We invited their choir to sing at our Wednesday evening Lenten service. The next day at our own choir rehearsal, one choir member loudly declared she could no longer sit in the same choir loft where “those” people had sung.

Crudely worded messages were slipped under the church door threatening mayhem against the pastor and the congregation if persons of color ever visited the church again.

About the same time, I asked permission to add to our newspaper announcement about worship times that all were welcome at our church.

At an open meeting of the congregation, it was declared that anyone who wants to come to our church may do so. We don’t have to “advertise” it. Later remarks complained that I always talked about race in sermons. A review of a year’s worth of sermons found only seven comments that could be construed as “about race.”

After the March on Washington, I participated in a demonstration in our city, and later two members accompanied me for a march on the state capitol.

Eighteen days after the March on Washington, Ku Klux Klan members bombed the 16^th St. Baptist Church in Birmingham, killing four Sunday School girls and injuring many others. At a vigil held in a packed auditorium, I was asked to lead prayers.

Unbelonging Part One

Most of my church members who supported these efforts were very quiet. Those who opposed such activities were loudly vocal. I was unbelonging.

The next pastoral call was to serve as senior pastor of a 1000-member congregation in a college town. That was quite a surprise since I was a mere 30-year-old with lots to learn. The work went well for a while. Until the Kent State shootings happened.

In 1970, National Guard soldiers sought to quell student demonstrations against the war in Vietnam. They killed four university students and wounded nine others. In colleges across the country student protests erupted.

Students in our town held a prayer protest, too. I skipped a church council meeting in order to sit with the students who might want to talk about the war and the murders. Missing the council meeting did not sit well with some.

Unbelonging Part Two

All previous pastors of the congregation held either earned or honorary doctorates. Perhaps it was their pride in such pastoral prestige which contributed to a grudging acceptance of efforts by this young upstart to loosen up and energize the worship and administrative structure. After seven years, unbelonging had set in.

Next stop. Previously, no 37-year-old had become the CEO of a residential care facility for troubled youth. The last CEO had been fired for mis-treating residents and staff. All financial reserves were exhausted in the first three years. A large segment of the staff who supervised residents were non-religious conscientious objectors. In order to escape military draft, they had to serve in a non-profit setting. Their attitudes about authority merely encouraged already unruly residents to escalate their behavior.

In frustration, I tearfully told the board president I had no idea what to do, and that for the welfare of the agency I felt I should leave.

But we managed to “turn the corner.” I stayed another fifteen years. When I resigned it was because I did not want to end my ministry in an institution rather than in a parish setting. By then we had a sought-after program, a major new building fully paid for without having to borrow funds, and a staff no longer riddled by rapid turn overs. I began to feel like I belonged. But it was time to make way for fresh ideas and leadership.

Getting to that next stop in ministry, however, was a challenge. I applied for many congregational and judicatory positions. Most of them decided that someone who had been away from parish ministry for almost two decades could not possibly understand what it would take to deal with congregational life. They would not interview me.

So it was surprising that after several months, there was a phone call from one of those congregations who had turned me down, requesting that I come for an interview. Shortly thereafter, I was called to be senior pastor of another large-membership congregation.

Side note: In those days such congregations were described as “tall steeple churches.” This one had a very tall steeple–with a crooked cross on top!

That congregation had been led for 40 years by a beloved pastor. Following his death, there were three short-term pastorates which we dubbed as “unintentional interims.”

Those years were complicated by the dominant presence of the widow and her family, and their families. The shadow of the beloved pastor, including the smell of his cigars, permeated the life of the congregation.

Major mistakes in judgment interfered with a full acceptance of my leadership. One was to promote additional features to a Christmas ritual without taking away any of the traditional elements. Another was to place the hymn “The Palms” somewhere other than as the processional hymn on Palm Sunday morning.

Unbelonging Part Three

In spite of numerous well received new programs in the life of the congregation, the ultimate error, it turned out, involved hiring a custodian. I advocated an effort to assist him in his rehabilitation as a recovering drug addict.

The first weeks of his employment went well. But we discovered well-meaning parishioners lent him money not realizing he was using it to purchase drugs. His work and life spiraled out of control again.

When the church van disappeared along with the custodian, blame was laid at the pastor’s doorstep, some members lost confidence in the pastor’s leadership, and unbelonging took over–again.

One more story. While serving part time in a rural congregation, I made cautionary remarks against believing everything said by a noted arch conservative radio host.

One of our farmer members loudly stomped out of the sanctuary in the middle of the sermon that Sunday. I learned he listened to that radio personality daily while driving his tractor.

Later he and I talked privately and we both apologized. But his popularity and outburst triggered undercurrents of discontent. The situation highlighted the sometimes-fragile relationship between acceptance and unacceptance, especially as supporters kept quiet and complainers did not.

Then one Sunday, as I hung up my clergy robe after church, I received a phone call literally begging me to come back to an agency I had once served to help resolve a significant issue. I discussed it with the church council, and there seemed to be some relief that I might leave, except for concern about our unfinished confirmation classes.

I offered to return for an intensive weekend retreat with confirmands. After the Confirmation Service, the disgruntled farmer whose teenager was part of the class, greeted me with a monstrous hug and vigorous handshake.

I thought of it as an example of the teeter-totter on which belonging and unbelonging ride!

Belonging and Self-Worth and Identity

James Greenaway, author of A Philosophy of Belonging, says that belonging is one of the most meaningful experiences of anyone’s life. Inversely, the discovery that one does not belong can be most upsetting. Belonging and unbelonging, he writes, raises intense questions about an individual’s sense of self-worth and identity.

In his writing, he offers the two themes: “Presence” and “Communion.”

In the Church we have a significant understanding of comm-union. There is sacredness in being present with one another, even–perhaps especially–in times of stress and disagreement.

As persons of faith, that is our work–to promote comm-union and inclusion, so no one is unbelonged. Amen!

For Reflection (either individually or with a group)

Read the blog. Read it a second time, maybe reading it aloud or asking someone else to read it aloud so you can hear it with different intonation and emphases. Invite the Divine to open your heart to allow the light of new understanding to pierce the shadows of embedded assumptions, stereotypes, and ways of thinking so that you may live more abundantly.

• How have you responded to times when you felt unbelonged? What was the situation and how long ago was it?
• Have you ever been part of a group that “unbelonged” someone else? Is there anything you wish you might have said/done differently?
• How important do you think it is as people of faith to promote comm-union and inclusion? How can we go about accomplishing that?

Download a pdf including the Reflection Questions to share and discuss with friends, family, or members of your faith community small group.

The post WHEN I UNBELONGED: Personal Stories About Not Fitting In appeared first on United Church Homes.

Retirement is more than an escape from professional duties. It also opens space to draw a new life map, discovering roads not yet traveled and adventures not yet enjoyed. In retirement we get to choose activities and relationships to replace those our employment mandated.

To explore these assertions, and the themes of abundant aging, meaning and purpose, I’ll use my automobile as an analogy. Strange, I know, but read on!

For the first three years of its life, the car and I averaged 30,000 miles each year. When I retired, for the third time, at age 84, the car was three years old. It took the following six years to add another 30,000 miles. In those six years I could choose where and when to travel.

In those six years both the car and me incurred numerous costs and relished many joys (at least I did!). In a more relaxed pace, we’ve visited places and people we could not afford the time to visit earlier. For sure, we’ve had our mechanical and system challenges, but we still go. A bit slower, but always cheerfully.

Ample Opportunities

Opportunities that come with aging are plentiful. Now I read what I want to read, rather than what I must study in order to do my job. I select the activities at church and in the community that I want to invest in rather than tend to them because I must.

In retirement, I’ve been able to participate in the development of Just Peace and Open and Affirming covenants in the church of my membership. I moderated several forums for discussions of disability justice. There was time to serve on an anti-racism task force for the Conference.

Of course, many fully employed persons also served on those committees, but in retirement I had the time to help with deeper research and initiate listening sessions with those who have already traveled those roads as well as with persons who were dubious or unclear why we needed to explore such matters.

Before retirement, the duties attached to pastoring large membership congregations with multiple staff members, and later serving as a troubleshooting interim in three different UCC conferences, meant there was neither time, opportunity, nor energy to concentrate on issues and concerns I would have preferred to pursue.

More Time for Relationships

Relationships with family members now seem more collegial because there is time to enjoy one another, uninterrupted by frantic calls to duty. In addition to phoning, writing or zooming, in retirement, I can travel to another state to visit the family’s remaining matriarch whom I had not seen for several years.

Certainly, there was a yearning, as retirement neared, to take a long, long “sabbatical.”

At first it seemed like heaven on earth to vegetate, sleep in, ignore the calendar, and just piddle around the apartment.

More Meaningful Pursuits

In last week’s blog Beth Long-Higgins introduced a word I never heard before but whose meaning I felt working on me. She shared the word “ikigai” (ee-key-guy). She explained it literally means “having a reason to get out of bed in the morning.” Ah, thank you, Beth! Ikigai provided the motivation to use my retirement for more meaningful and purposeful pursuits.

To illustrate, I want to return to my automobile analogy. First, though, know that I am sensitive to those readers whose aging circumstances may interfere with auto ownership or utilization. Certainly there are times as we age, when an abundance of caution related to physical limitations, medical issues, and other unfortunate experiences must take center stage.

There are tolls to pay for the mileage we put on our cars, and on ourselves. Repairs and parts replacements are costly. We may have issues with shoulders, knees, or something internal; or turbochargers, struts and distributors.

Fixing them does not always bring us back to previous performance levels. Yet our being able to fine tune our abilities and choices is one of many gifts available to us as we age.

Aging introduces issues, to be sure. But they do not have to dictate withdrawal from meaningful and purposeful activities.

Comparing my aging to the aging of my car, I note there have been hefty repair costs for both of us. They were necessary in order to “draw the new life map” I mentioned in the first paragraphs of this article. Again quoting Beth Long-Higgins, it is about finding “new ways to connect” and new perspective.

Here’s a fair warning: I enjoy wordsmithing, so an outrageous play on words is coming up!

Earlier in these comments I alluded to costly repairs for both me and my aging automobile. The final investment I made instead of retiring the car, was a purchase of a new set of tires.

Instead of retiring the car, I re-tired it!

Lyrics of the song “A Whole New World”, in Disney’s Aladdin, point to what’s ahead when we take on new adventures:

“A whole new world
A new fantastic point of view
No one to tell us no
Or where to go ….
“A whole new world
A hundred thousand things to see

A whole new world
With new horizons to pursue…”

So in retirement, believe in “ikigai” (reasons for getting out of bed) and re -TIRE! Or if car upkeep is your thing, teach younger folk about car upkeep and how to change a tire.

Shalom!

To learn more about options post-retirement success and how to begin preparing even prior to finishing your primary career, join us in person or online for the 2024 Abundant Aging Symposium, Purpose, Meaning and Redefining Retirement on October 4^th. Discounts on registration before September 9^th.

For Reflection (either individually or with a group)

Read the blog. Read it a second time, maybe reading it aloud or asking someone else to read it aloud so you can hear it with different intonation and emphases. Invite the Divine to open your heart to allow the light of new understanding to pierce the shadows of embedded assumptions, stereotypes, and ways of thinking so that you may live more abundantly. Then spend some time with the following questions together with anything or anyone who helps you reflect more deeply.

• Aging is not all gloom and doom. What opportunity do you look forward to as you age?
• If you’re not yet retired, when you have completed your primary career, what will you choose to do more? Why?
• What new world are you looking forward to opening up as you age?

Download a pdf including the Reflection Questions to share and discuss with friends, family, or members of your faith community small group.

The post Opportunities that Come with Age appeared first on United Church Homes.

The driveway “court” was gravelly and often muddy. The fence that separated my house from the sprawling estate next door slowed down our games. When the ball bounced over into that well-kept lawn we surreptitiously hopped the fence, retrieved the ball, and scampered, hopefully unseen, back to “our” neighborhood.

Our street ran north. It started at the town’s major east/west street, then ended at the railroad tracks. Neighborhood yards were coated with ash from the coal-fired locomotives that roared past several times a day.

The Circus Comes to Town

About 5:30 one summer morning, a group of families on our street and around the area, squeezed between the planks of the wooden fences that separated our houses from the tracks, to watch the Ringling Brothers Barnum-Bailey circus cars unload.

What a kick it was to watch roustabouts unload animal cages, and the equipment for tents and displays, then load all that on trucks to carry it further north to the county fairground. Elephants, too big for cages, sauntered along, pushing some of the circus carts. Their keepers trailed behind to scoop up the “gifts” those beasts deposited on the streets.

By evening, the massively big top tent for the Greatest Show On Earth had been setup and the circus was ready to open.

It was along those railroad tracks that I met my childhood best friend. Our mothers chatted while us boys gaped at the animals. Before we all crawled back through the fences to our respective homes, his Mom invited me over to play with Tom – and that began a friendship that lasted well into our respective years of retirement.

His family lived in a house which fronted on the same street where our street began. Their beautiful property extended north the whole length of our entire street and it, too, ended at the railroad.

Summer Playtime

My BFF and I romped through his big yard during the summer, sampled the cherries, pears and rhubarb, and sold his apples door to door at three for a dime or a quarter a piece. Our mothers got quite a laugh about our math and salesmanship!

When Tom was not available, us kids on my street played “kick the can” among other games. When we were worn out from running and hiding, or from skating on the sidewalks up on the main street, we sat in a row on the broken curbs of our street, told jokes and teased each other!

My friend’s family owned the town’s book and office supply store. As we grew older Tom and I both had jobs at the store. But he was more a farmer at heart, like his older brother, so by the time we were sophomores in high school, he moved to the family farm miles away from our hometown, and I continued to sweep floors, dust books, unpack boxes of office supplies and restock the shelves.

Business owners like Tom’s family had large homes, and many more financial resources, than the folks who lived on narrow streets like mine.

A Diverse Education

On our street, most every day we could hear a Greek family and a Jewish family bantering with one another while peeling potatoes on their back porches or yelling at one another through their kitchen windows. Not knowing their languages, we assumed they were constantly arguing.

My mother, however, became their friend. She sometimes accompanied one or the other family on their shopping trips, helping them walk home with their groceries, and other times sat to chat with them on their porches. That relationship frequently earned us gifts of their native baked goods.

As I reflect on the summers spent on that street, I realize I was being introduced to an expanded intercultural and inter-religious awareness. Very few of my other school friends in those days, could say as much about their childhood experiences.

That awareness grew when evangelists Claussen and Richardson came to town every summer to lead revival services. Claussen was a strong-voiced Swede. Richardson, an incredible pianist and singer, was a person of color, but I was never sure if she was African or some other. 

They sometimes stayed at our house, modest as it was, during the crusade, and other times stopped by for coffee on their way to tent meetings in nearby towns.

Their faith convictions were an incomparable illustration of what Jesus meant by neighborliness. Those summer evening tent meetings, literally rocked by their preaching and singing, planted significant seeds of justice, love, and faith deep in this youngster’s heart!

Later, there was the summer I was a chaplain for the Boy Scout summer camp season. It was the year Oral Roberts conducted a crusade in a nearby town.

Another counselor and I decided to go see what “faith healing” was all about. Unfortunately, we were seated behind a huge tent pole. We could hear the preaching but we could see only the sides of the platform. As persons struggled up the ramp on the right side with their wheelchairs, walkers, and crutches, we could hear Roberts yell for the devil to get out of them. Then we could see folks dance and jump, leaving their appliances behind as they left the platform on the left side accompanied by rousing chants of “Praise God” from the audience.

At college that fall, I researched a paper for a religions class about faith healing, and cited the experience of visiting the crusades of Oral Roberts and Katherine Kuhlman.

Those were days of very limited television, long before we knew about the magic called “the internet.” I played, learned, and grew outdoors, on our street, at church and scout camps, during summer jobs, and among neighbors of disparate backgrounds, nationalities, and races.

I think it could be called my “diversity laboratory!”

By the way, “our street” is still there. If you were to cut through the neighbors’ properties for about 160 yards, or if you were to go up to Center Street to get there, it is 0.2 of a mile from our ’hood to the current corporate headquarters of United Church Homes, in Marion, Ohio!

For Reflection (either individually or with a group)

Read the blog. Read it a second time, maybe reading it aloud or asking someone else to read it aloud so you can hear it with different intonation and emphases. Invite the Divine to open your heart to allow the light of new understanding to pierce the shadows of embedded assumptions, stereotypes, and ways of thinking so that you may live more abundantly. Then spend some time with the following questions together with anything or anyone who helps you reflect more deeply.

• What, if anything, did you learn during your summertime breaks from school?
• How has it continued to be an important lesson in your life?
• Who were the important people in your memory?

Download a pdf including the Reflection Questions to share and discuss with friends, family, or members of your faith community small group.

The post Summers In the Neighborhood appeared first on United Church Homes.

A Hospice Nurse observed: “I have sensed (my death) for about six months and I am getting everything set for my husband; getting him to learn about our bills; … left him a notebook on what he needs to do when I pass.”

John Nettles’ funny remark and the experience of the Hospice Nurse made me wonder if one “sees “ mortality or feels it.

Whether one sees or feels mortality, the rate of mortality is easily observed. Every holiday season I update my online Christmas card list by drawing a line through several names.

My own thoughts about mortality followed the death of my spouse of 58 years. In the year following her demise, filled with many questions about what to do, where to do it, how to manage living alone after all those years, I developed atrial fibrillation. It is not so unusual, of course, but it was a frightening experience for me having never before had any heart problems.

After a couple of brief hospitalizations and lots of consultations, we tried electric cardioversion. Even the idea seemed a bit unnerving! But, it turned out great. Daily doses of one med now keep the ticker ticking steadily, normally, and strongly.

The experience, however, of watching my wife’s increasing frailty and her eventual death, followed by this bump on my own health, awakened me to consider mortality in less technical dictionary terms and in much more personal ways.

About the same time, I was invited to serve as an interim Conference Minister in another state. I sold our home. Maintaining it while working many miles away seemed too difficult.

Age, distance, and uncertain circumstances made me pay attention to two other observations. The first, by Scottish psychiatrist R. D. Laing who succinctly opined: “Life is a sexually transmitted disease and the mortality rate is one hundred percent.”

The other observation from folks at the Mayo clinic:

“ Advance directives aren’t just for older adults. Unexpected end-of-life situations can happen at any age….

By planning ahead, you can get the medical care you want, avoid unnecessary suffering and relieve caregivers of decision-making burdens during moments of crisis or grief… (or death). You also help reduce confusion or disagreement about the choices you would want people to make on your behalf.”

So I have worked on advance directives. Revision of last will and testament, multiple pages of notes about where to find passwords and documents, what to do with possessions in case of an unexpected death, location of insurance policies, how to access bank and credit accounts, and so on, filled pages, including what to do with a collection of paintings by my firstborn that I’ve stored for years because she has never had a suitable place to store them. And what to do about the cat who is already older than I am (in cat years) but that’s a whole other story!

Two of my three “children” agreed to be co-executors of my “huge” estate. The third wanted no part of such responsibility, but I named her as a contingent executor anyway!

The paper copy of this information is kept in my letter file beside the computer, it is saved online, and another printed copy is in a lock box which holds among other things my wife’s wedding rings, a still-valid passport, and some coins from overseas travel.

I also sent it to my executor, and indicated there would be updating at various times. I advised them to contact my long-time financial advisor who knows more about me than I know myself!

It may seem somewhat “cheeky”, but I also sketched out ideas for my own funeral service. It depends on what my pastor is willing to do, of course, but I picked music with special meanings to me and added online links to versions I preferred, laced the selections together with some thoughts about them, put it all on a thumb drive, and placed that in the lock, too.

Each year, on the anniversary of my wife’s passing, I look at my “advance directives,” revise them as needed, and move on, comfortable in the conviction that most of the bases are covered.

So even though Renato Dulbecco declared; “I know mortality exists, but I cannot do anything about it,” I have done something about it, and truth be told, I feel pretty good even though the exercise involves anticipating my own death. At the very least, it is an effort to make managing the wrap up of my affairs after death, or in case of a debilitating event of some sort, much easier for my family and my heirs.

Accordingly, I am not afraid of, nervous about, nor dreading my own demise. I’ve done what I can.

I like what Bernie Siegel says, that “An awareness of one’s mortality can lead you to wake up and live an authentic, meaningful life.” Meaningful life could well include not only giving good and faithful account of ourselves while living, but also offering a helping hand to those who tend us now, and those who will manage our affairs when this mortal life ends.

Let’s give Hector, the laughing donkey, the last word:

Mortality is inescapable. Live with it!

For Reflection (either individually or with a group)

Read the blog. Read it a second time, maybe reading it aloud or asking someone else to read it aloud so you can hear it with different intonation and emphases. Invite the Divine to open your heart to allow the light of new understanding to pierce the shadows of embedded assumptions, stereotypes, and ways of thinking so that you may live more abundantly. Then spend some time with the following questions together with anything or anyone who helps you reflect more deeply.

• Have you done anything to prepare for your eventual death? Why or why not?
• Do you consider it cheeky (British slang for rude or impertinent) to leave notes about what you would like to happen at your funeral service?
• How important is it for you to help your loved ones deal with your passing?

Download a pdf including the Reflection Questions to share and discuss with friends, family, or members of your faith community small group.

The post The Reality of Mortality appeared first on United Church Homes.

While pondering her comment, other words that begin with “care….” tumbled around in my thoughts.

Certainly the term “caregiving” feels positive and honorable. To be one who gives care to another is one who engages in a loving relationship. Many caregivers are volunteers, family members caring for one another, and some are professionals who make caregiving their vocation.

Readers familiar with the ministries of United Church Homes know that UCH is a champion at caregiving in many settings and in awesome manner. Wonderful stories are easy to find about beloved and dedicated givers of care whether in such institutions or in family homes or simply in personal relationships.

More Care Words

Another “care”-beginning word is “caretaker.” It is often defined in words similar to those used to describe caregiving. But to my ear “caretaker” feels more perfunctory as if taking care of another is like managing a property.

Other words popped into mind as I thought about this theme – words like “carekeeper” and “carefree,” or “careless” and “careworn.”

I haven’t mentioned “careful” yet. Have you noticed when we say these words aloud, there is a tendency to accent the word “care…” for example: CAREgiver, CAREfree, CAREful.

Further reflection prompted me to wonder if the usual spelling and pronunciation of the word careful is too small. How about adding a letter and changing the accent so our word becomes “care-FULL?”

I read an article that broadened the notion of CAREful-ness to care-FULLness.

The article offered a long list of traits embodied by caregivers. Among them are these:

Patience and compassion; sense of humor and respect; being a good manager of details and schedules; cooperative as part of a care team; assertive in behalf of the ones being cared for and about; and, able to accept help when a break is needed.

Put those qualities and others together and we come close to what being care-FULL is about.

What care-FULL-ness Looks Like

If you will pardon a brief personal experience about care-FULL-ness, I offer a tribute to my son and his wife. In tending to their son, my twenty-two-year-old university student grandson, they live out what I’ve come to recognize as the fullness of caring.

My grandson was struck by a car and suffered traumatic brain injury (TBI). The first surgeon to work on him carefully explained to his parents what he could do and what to expect. He also recommended the parents consider a Plan B. It was an ominous moment full of dread and fear.

Since that tragic day he has been cared for in three states and in ten different health caregiving institutions. He has moved from being completely comatose, to what is now called a minimally conscious state. That is about the extent of his improvement since the accident.

We can each recall accounts of individuals who lived in a comalike state for months, maybe years, and then regained some semblance of “normality.” But the ten months of my grandson’s story so far feels already like an eternity.

In my obvious bias, I see his parents as models for care-full-ness.

He has never been alone from early morning to late evenings when visitors and even parents are no longer permitted in the “care centers” where he lives. Whether in his hometown area, or in the third largest city in America, or in a highly specialized facility more than a seven hour drive away, they have been at his bedside.

Employment has been compromised, other obligations have been put aside, travel to be with him is a priority. His father spends every day in his son’s bedroom. He hasn’t missed a day since the accident. His mother spends every evening after work, and every weekend at his bedside.

They spend intense times on the phone, in zoom conferences, and online to keep insurance coverage intact, to hear from specialists, always devoted first to his best interests before considering their own needs.

On occasion I have the privilege of sitting with him so his parents can attend to other business or take a much-needed break.

Two Tear Types

After being with him, I have two kinds of tears. The first, of course, are caused by the agony of watching this young man who will be permanently disabled if he survives.

The other tears are full of admiration and joy. They are the result of seeing how his dad and mother are so tender and attentive. Even in their own despair, they chat to him, read to him, thoughtfully wash his face when stress causes perspiration. They touch him and kiss him to assure him they are close by even though he may be unaware of them.

They have learned how to manage various tasks necessary for his comfort–changing his clothes, fixing IV connections when they get pulled apart, exercising his stiffened limbs, noticing any movements whether reactive or responsive, and cheering him on with “Good job!” or “You’re doing great!”

Of course, they love him. Of course, the accident and resulting trauma have cost them in many different ways. But there is no cost or angst great enough to diminish how care-full they are.

You have your own caregiver stories. Treasure those caregivers around you. Know that your own caregiving, sometimes full of stress and weariness, is worthy of gratitude from those who benefit from your care.

Care-giving is one thing; being care-FULL is everything!

CareFULLness embraces the counsel of Philippians 2:4:

^“Let each of you look not to your own interests but to the interests of others.”

Shalom, dear care-full care-givers!

For Reflection (either individually or with a group)

Read the blog. Read it a second time, maybe reading it aloud or asking someone else to read it aloud so you can hear it with different intonation and emphases. Invite the Divine to open your heart to allow the light of new understanding to pierce the shadows of embedded assumptions, stereotypes, and ways of thinking so that you may live more abundantly. Then spend some time with the following questions together with anything or anyone who helps you reflect more deeply.

• What would you say are the most important qualities of successful caregivers?
• When has your own caregiving been most full of stress and weariness?
• Do you have a story of someone you know who you would describe as careFULL? Why would you use that word to describe them?

Download a pdf including the Reflection Questions to share and discuss with friends, family, or members of your faith community small group.

The post Being CareFULL appeared first on United Church Homes.

But, you may ask, white isn’t really a color, is it? Seems it is more like the absence of color.

Technical definitions of white may expand our typical notions that black is the mashup of all printed colors and white is without any color. But think about these quotations:

“…White is not defined as a color because it is the sum of all possible colors. Black is not defined as a color because it is the absence of light…”

“Some consider white to be a color, because white light comprises all hues on the visible light spectrum. And many do consider black to be a color, because you combine other pigments to create it on paper. But in a technical sense, black and white are not colors, they’re shades. They augment colors. And yet they do function like colors. They evoke feelings.”

In a previous blog about color, the Rev. Ruth Fitzgerald offered this succinct definition: “Color theory tells us that what we see as ‘white’ isn’t an absence of color, but rather it is what we see when all of the colors of the visible spectrum collide.”

After careful study of such definitions, I have determined that I live in a white community. Here’s why I make that claim.

Why I Consider My Community to be White

Celes (a 10-month-old cutie whose full name is Celestial) and her Vietnamese parents were previously next-door neighbors. While visiting my apartment, Celes took her first five unassisted steps, then plopped down when trying to grab the cat’s tail!

Her mother emailed one day to ask, “How does it feel to be the only white guy in the building?”

One evening, the black single mom and her rambunctious son who live directly above me, knocked on my door. Holding pizza boxes in one hand, trying to hang on to her son with the other, she pointed to a box leaning against the doorsill, and said, “This has been outside your door for a couple of days. Since you are an older person, I just wanted to be sure you are OK.” We’ve exchanged Valentine and holiday candies since then!

Another family of color and three school-age children live next door to her. Above them on the third floor are two Sikh gentlemen. My current next-door neighbor is a family of color.

When a food truck is on campus, the persons in line look like a United Nations delegation.

One afternoon, I was unloading groceries from my car trunk. That’s not such a big problem for, as you know, $50 worth of groceries barely fills the smallest shopping cart. Still the African-American truck driver who parks his vehicle near mine, stepped over and said, “Let me get those for you.” Inside the apartment he commented about my Shalom banner. We talked about how its many definitions include wholeness and peace.

A police officer of color came to inspect the hit-and-run damage to the rear of my car.

When the lady who lives a couple doors away walks her two teacup Yorkies, they yap at me. She reprimands them in a language I do not understand. She’s from South America.

Since 2016 I’ve lived in three different apartment communities. The interiors are pretty sterile looking. White walls, white trim, maybe a little cream trim here and there to create a little “interest” among the white counter tops, white cupboards, and white venetian blinds.

My Neighbors are Many Colors

More significantly, the people who live in those apartments are Arabs, Africans, Angolans, Asians, Anglos, Hispanics, Muslims, Sikhs, Indigenous persons, Caucasians, Jews, Catholics, Protestants, “spiritual but not religious”, Nones, and….more!

In these days we hear so much about “white nationalism” – a contention that the United States should be for “white folks” only. But if “white” is the presence of all colors, then white nationalism ought to be about creating a safe space for every human being!

While pondering this concept of white as all-inclusive rather than exclusive, I found this remark:

“The definition of ‘person of color’ in the 21st century has been less about skin color and more about marking those who have been affected by racism and white supremacy… Others say that a ‘person of color’ is defined simply as someone who…has physical characteristics that set them apart from (other) people.”

But it really is not “simple” at all. In last week’s blog, Lisa Thomas wrote: “ …the added stress of living as a person of color in this country is no abstract idea to me. My brown son and daughter, my black brother-in-law, my brown grandchildren and my brown nephew live daily with this added stress. There is always extra worry in the back of my mind for their safety and well-being simply because of their skin color.”

As we struggle in this nation with the rise of “nationalism,” antisemitism, and gerrymandering to disenfranchise persons of color, I pray that “white” and “nonwhite” concepts disappear, that communities which embrace all colors flourish, and that we devote every effort to securing the common good for all.

“All” is what makes the good “common,” right?

Our prayers, choices, friendships and advocacy will help us realize that vision.

Earlier in this blog I claimed that I live in a white community. As noted, color theory defines “white” as the presence of all colors. So yes, I live in a white community!

(references from Ruth Fitzgerald and Lisa Thomas used by permission)

For Reflection (either individually or with a group)

Read the blog. Read it a second time, maybe reading it aloud or asking someone else to read it aloud so you can hear it with different intonation and emphases.

Invite the Divine to open your heart to allow the light of new understanding to pierce the shadows of embedded assumptions, stereotypes, and ways of thinking so that you may live more abundantly. Then spend some time with the following questions together with anything or anyone who helps you reflect more deeply.

• How do you describe the community in which you live? How open to people of other races, faiths, and backgrounds do you think your community is?
• What do you believe is God’s vision for community?
• We are reminded of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.’s vision of beloved community where we look, as one author wrote, beyond conflict and doubt and misgivings in the hope of trying to understand each other. What can you do today to try to better understand someone who is very different than yourself?

Download a pdf including the Reflection Questions to share and discuss with friends, family, or members of your faith community small group.

Courtesy of the Parker Center for Abundant Aging, promoting the riches of Abundant Aging; advocating for an inclusive society that conquers ageism; and delivering education and resources to transform how we think about elderhood. Blog: Copyright 2024, Rev. John Gantt, All Rights Reserved. Photo designed by Freepik.

The post What Color is Your Community? appeared first on United Church Homes.

We collected the windup alarm clocks from the bedrooms. Using a kitchen step stool, Dad lifted that big clock advertising Coca-Cola off the wall.

All these timepieces were deposited on a coffee table. Mother buttered the popcorn and made other treats for the evening.

Before we had a television set, we huddled around the radio. Later we did the same in front of the TV. Each of us had an assignment. When the radio announcer called out midnight – or later when the Times Square Ball dropped to end the year and start another – we were to check the accuracy of our clocks and watches. It was our own watch night party!

In those younger days of being allowed to stay up past midnight, I was not aware of liturgical Watch Night services. I did not know that in various denominational settings there was a custom of gathering for prayer, confession, and resolution-making, as a new year dawned.

Later I learned that 101 years before my birth, a “time-ball” atop England’s Royal Observatory at Greenwich dropped at one o’clock every afternoon to assist captains of nearby ships set their chronometers.

A New Year, A New Law

Frederick Douglass called for a far more significant “watch night” in a time when the 1848 Georgia Slave Code demanded that “no person of color… shall be allowed to preach, to exort, or join in any religious exercise with any persons of color, either free or slave, there being more than seven persons of color present.”

As the eve of December 31,1862, turned to the first minutes of 1863, Abraham Lincoln’s Emancipation Proclamation was to take effect. Douglass wrote: “It is a day for poetry and song, a new song. These cloudless skies, this balmy air, this brilliant sunshine…are in harmony with the glorious morning of liberty about to dawn upon us.”

The History of Watch Night

Lying behind Frederick Douglass’ exultation of a “glorious morning of liberty” was a history of “watch nights.” The Collection of the Smithsonian National Museum of African American History and Culture records that Watch Night services are “rooted in African American religious traditions. Enslaved people sought to exercise their own religious customs, including Christianity, Islam, and indigenous faith practices reflective of the homes from which they were stolen. They … secretly gathered in the woods (since plantation owners) would not permit them to hold religious meetings or any other kinds of meetings.“

Safiya Charles, a race and ethnicity reporter for the Montgomery Advertiser, writes that Watch Night is a “late-night tradition in many African American churches (to) celebrate … the end of slavery—with praise, fellowship, and hope for the future.”

Pastor Agnes Lover of Montgomery’s Saint Paul African Methodist Episcopal Church, remembers Watch Night as “a vibrancy, the inky darkness of the night as cars turned their headlights on the church’s parking lot, the pulsing movement as the walls vibrated with erupted tension and ebullient praise. Women and men proclaimed, sang, and shouted captivating and heart-spun testimonies, reflections of joy, adversity, and loss..”

Pastor Lover adds “The meaning is still relevant, but it has evolved. Now, more or less, people are anticipating the New Year—out with the old, in with the new—and reflecting on the past year…. Watch Night is still vitally important for us to come together as a community to watch, to pray, and to really engage in a spiritual way against everything that polarizes our nation.”

These days, some 160 years after the Emancipation Proclamation, we are experiencing what Pastor Lover described as “everything that polarizes.” The frightening re-escalation of antisemitism, increasing racial animus, and the chaos created by “fake news” lead to unrestrained divisions within legislative bodies, throughout the culture of the day, and even at holiday table reunions by otherwise jovial family members!

When my father called us to “get our watches out!” it was for getting the time right. In 2024, “getting the times right” will be a special challenge.

The seasonal carol “Watchman Tell Us of The Night” offers the hope we need. These are the first four lines in three stanzas:

Watcher, tell us of the night,
what its signs of promise are.
Traveler, O a wondrous sight!
See that glory-beaming star!

Watcher, tell us of the night;
higher yet that star ascends.
Traveler, blessedness and light,
peace and truth its course portends.

Watcher, tell us of the night,
for the morning seems to dawn.
Traveler, shadows take their flight,
doubt and terror are withdrawn.

(from The New Century Hymnal version, 1995)

As the lighted Waterford Crystal Ball in Times Square descends 70 feet in sixty seconds on New Year’s Eve, savor the abundance in our lives, work for an even “better” year, and “watch out” for what erodes freedom, justice and equality.

In “watch night” resolution-making,
pray that peace and truth
dissolve doubt and terror –
sooner than later!

  In the words of the old “wassailing carol” may –

Love and joy come to you,
and God bless you,
and send you
a Happy New Year!

Shalom

For Reflection (either individually or with a group)

Read the blog. Read it a second time, maybe reading it aloud or asking someone else to read it aloud so you can hear it with different intonation and emphases. Then spend some time with the following questions with words, crayons, clay, paints, or anything that helps you reflect more deeply.

• Does your family have any New Year’s Eve traditions? What do you do and why?
• What can you do to create a personal Watch Night service, integrating worship, prayer, confession, and resolution making?
• For 2024, what can you do to “get the times right”, to “engage in a spiritual way against everything that polarizes our nation” in order to “watch out” for what erodes freedom, justice and equality?

Download a pdf including the Reflection Questions to share and discuss with friends, family, or members of your faith community small group.

The post Watch Out appeared first on United Church Homes.