The Silent Struggle: Nurturing Spiritual Wellbeing in Aging Adults

In the past week alone, I found myself in three different conversations with colleagues who are walking alongside aging parents in their late 80s and early 90s. Each one expressed a similar worry: their parent seems deeply lonely. These older adults are living with the natural physical changes that come with aging, but those physical challenges are intertwined with emotional and spiritual ones as well. Grief is present in each of their stories. One parent is grieving the loss of a longtime spouse. Another is grieving the changes in their cognitive abilities. Yet another is grieving the steady stream of losses that comes when siblings and friends either move away or pass on within a short span of time.

Some older adults, in quiet moments, express a sense of being “done,” longing simply to be reunited with those they love. Others begin to step away from caring for their physical bodies—no longer seeing a reason to shower, change clothes, or keep up with routines that once grounded them. And many adult children notice with worry when a parent begins to misplace things more often or forget the names of grandchildren, wondering if dementia is emerging.

Mental health and medical professionals are, of course, the people best equipped to diagnose depression, dementia, or self‑neglect. Any of these may be part of what is happening. But I would also suggest that what we are seeing in many of these situations is a profound spiritual weariness—a diminishing sense of meaning, purpose, and connection.

Spirituality

Spiritual wellbeing, or spirituality, is the way we seek and express meaning and purpose. It is our connectedness—to others, to the sacred, to the natural world, to our inner selves, and even to time itself. When this connectedness frays, we feel it deeply.

In each of the older adults mentioned above, there is a common thread: they no longer feel that their life has purpose. When we can no longer participate in the activities that once brought us joy, or when we feel unable to offer our gifts the way we once did, something within us breaks. That break, that sense of disconnection, is not only emotional—it is spiritual.

Grief, too, has a spiritual dimension. When we look around and see that many of the people who once made up our world are gone—through distance or death—it can leave us feeling unmoored. The simple act of getting out of bed or taking a shower can feel pointless when we don’t see how our lives fit anymore within the broader tapestry of community. While these experiences can reflect mental or physical health challenges, they are also deeply tied to spiritual wellbeing.

Most of us need connection—though the amount and form of connection varies widely from person to person. Yet we all have a threshold for loneliness. And for older adults, loneliness and isolation can have serious consequences. You may have heard the comparison that loneliness can be as damaging to physical health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. That startling image points toward a deeper truth: disconnection doesn’t just affect the heart figuratively; it affects the whole person.

Spiritual Wellbeing in the New Year

Every January, many people notice an uptick in serious illness or death among older adults. It can be tempting to attribute this solely to the cold or the stress of winter, but I think the timing also reveals something essential about the human spirit.

During the holidays, older adults often have traditions to look forward to—decorating, singing familiar songs, sharing meals, receiving visitors. Family and friends tend to be more present. But when January arrives, the festivities end, routines shift back to ordinary life, and the long winter stretches out ahead. For someone already feeling fragile, facing a drop in connection, joy, or purpose can make those feelings even sharper.

The good news is this: there are simple and meaningful ways we can all help nurture spiritual wellbeing in the older adults around us.

Maybe that looks like taking soup to an older neighbor and sharing lunch at their table. Eating with someone—simply being present—supports not only digestion and nutrition but a sense of belonging. Or perhaps you bring a deck of cards and enjoy a game together. Even lighthearted banter over strategy can be a form of spiritual connection. Deep, vulnerable conversations aren’t required for us to feel linked to another person. In fact, even small interactions—a warm hello to a grocery clerk or postal worker—remind us that we are part of a larger community.

Invite older adults to talk about joy. Ask what brings them joy now. And if they struggle to answer, ask what brought them joy in the past. Together, consider ways they might experience something similar today. Often, the things that bring joy are also the things that connect us with meaning.

I recently spoke with an adult child whose mother, living with dementia, is still able to live in an apartment with her spouse in a life‑plan community. But the time is coming when she will likely move to memory care. Her son was heartbroken because she takes such pride in keeping her home tidy and doing laundry. I reminded him that there is no reason she must stop these activities when she transitions to a higher level of care. Though there will be housekeeping staff, she can still use her familiar duster in her room or a shared space. She can still fold laundry—whether it’s her own or a basket given to her for the joy of the task. These activities hold meaning, and that meaning matters.

Everyday Spiritual Practices

We don’t often think of playing games, folding laundry, sharing soup, or exchanging greetings as spiritual practices. But if they help us connect with others, they absolutely are. Taking time to listen to what brings someone joy—even if it seems small—can help them reconnect with what gives their life meaning.

Anything that draws us closer to the natural world, or that reminds us we belong to a community larger than ourselves, can be spiritual practice. And telling someone that their relationship matters to you can reaffirm their sense of worth and purpose.

These everyday moments, woven together, nurture spiritual wellbeing for all of us—regardless of age.

Find Connection and Purpose with United Church Homes

Loneliness and spiritual weariness don’t have to define the later years of life. At United Church Homes, we create communities where older adults can thrive—physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Through chaplaincy services, life-enriching programs, and opportunities for meaningful engagement, we help older adults rediscover joy, purpose, and belonging.

Learn more about how we nurture spiritual wellbeing and connection.