When Love Finds a Home

It was a beautiful day in May 1973 and it was our wedding day–a second marriage for both of us and our entry into that new kind of family that was emerging, better known as a “stepfamily”. I’m not sure how that particular name got attached to that new kind of family arriving in the 1960’s. My husband’s two children met my three children, and a new family history was born.

We didn’t know what the future would bring. But we were pretty convinced that we could “make it work” based on hope and prayer and a lot of love and time.

Finding Solutions to Immediate Problems

For a while, we held our breath and solved the immediate problems. Who is going to sleep where? Who needs a ride to school? Then the next levels of demand arrived. Who gets to use the phone first? Who gets the first shower of the day? Who needs a ride to school – or who gets the car over the weekend?

Endless amounts of negotiations ran our lives as we tried to learn the rules of a two-family system under one roof with two sets of parents. We needed some new rules for acceptable behaviors and any hope that we might succeed. The two adults who were navigating our new family system needed a big commitment to love, honor and trust that we would survive and the ability to forget and forgive the rough places we encountered every day.

Cast Into a Sea of Grief

When one of our children died from a drug overdose, we were cast in a sea of grief that brought the pain of death and loss into the heart of our family.

But we didn’t give up – it was never an option. And what did we learn about life and families? Not a list of rules or good behaviors. We learned the “usefulness” of multiple family members. Under one roof, we had multiple drivers, helpers with homework, people to play with; people to learn from and two adults who had made a commitment to God, each other and all the children, no exceptions.

Special Gift of My Blended Family

Everyone is grown up but I have kept one relationship as my special gift from this blended family. My stepson, Christopher, who is a computer expert, is my first call when my computer won’t behave properly.

We don’t live near each other but his expertise is as near as my phone and we’re both midnight workers.

And when I say, “Thanks, Chris, I love you a lot” I am smiling with gratitude for our relationship and our love for each other.

Commitment is built on promises kept and love renewed. Those gifts are real and the result of commitments that are not transitory. They exist because we are made to live in a connected world of love and spirit; joy and sorrow; sickness and health; hope and new life.

And that’s where we meet God.

Amen.

 

For Reflection (either individually or with a group)

Read the blog. Read it a second time, maybe reading it aloud or asking someone else to read it aloud so you can hear it with different intonation and emphases. Invite the Divine to open your heart to allow the light of new understanding to pierce the shadows of embedded assumptions, stereotypes, and ways of thinking so that you may live more abundantly. Then spend some time with the following questions together with anything or anyone who helps you reflect more deeply.

 

• Have you ever been in a situation where you needed to build community/family from a previously disconnected group of people? What did you do?
• Are you part of a group of people who are deeply connected to one another? How did that come about?
• What do you think might be the most challenging part of successfully blending together two families? What might be a good action to take to overcome such a challenge?

Download a pdf including the Reflection Questions to share and discuss with friends, family, or members of your faith community small group.

 

Courtesy of The Center for Abundant Aging, promoting the riches of Abundant Aging; advocating for an inclusive society that conquers ageism; and delivering education and resources to transform how we think about elderhood.

Blog: Copyright 2025, Reverend Dr. Bobbie McKay. All Rights Reserved.

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